


The Civil War

by lifelongpotterhead



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: I cried writing this, M/M, You Have Been Warned, after chapter 3 its like straight torture, feel free to punch me in the face if you read this, i like to hurt my children, if you read this you will cry, it hurts to read, this has homophobia, this is painful, this story is really dark, trigger warning for like everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6453688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifelongpotterhead/pseuds/lifelongpotterhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An au based on the first civil war trailer. Steve and Bucky are both captured and tortured by HYDRA. They are broken beyond repair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to have a pretty au plot because I don’t read comics so I don’t know what is going to happen.

Steve stared at the Sokovia accords, his hands shaking. He couldn’t sign them, he couldn’t. Bucky would be imprisoned if he did, because even though he was brainwashed, Bucky had still murdered people. 

Steve pushed away the accords. “I am not signing this. It is wrong to force people to be controlled by the government. I will not consent to be restrained by government figures who are just as likely to make mistakes as individual heros.”

“You have operated without surveillance for far too long. Some may say that you are not a hero, you are a vigilante.” Spoke Ross, his voice cold. 

Steve pushed away from the table and stood without a word. He started to make his way to the door, knowing that he had to move Bucky from his current location, as people were looking for him. Steve assumed most of his fellow Avengers would sign the accords, as they might make sense to some. 

Spotting security personnel in the room, Steve sprinted out the door. He had to get back to Bucky and explain what was happening.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once he reached Bucky’s current safehouse, Steve began to explain their current situation. 

“So you mean I’m not safe here?” Asked Bucky, concern evident in his voice. “But I’ve only been here a few days; how could they have discovered my location already?” 

“Well I kind of refused to sign a document that would basically sign away my freedom to the government as a superhero. It’s not safe for you anywhere, but the farther away we can get you, the better off you are.”

“I am not leaving this country. I don’t want to be very far from you. It has been too long and I will probably still have to save your ass from a few situations.” Bucky stated, leaving no room for argument. 

“Alright, Buck, I will go ask Stark if he can arrange a plane to get you to the other side of the country. Try not to get into trouble while I’m gone.”

“I could say the same thing to you. Don’t do anything stupid like you normally do. See you in a few hours.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve rode his motorcycle over to Stark’s tower, intending on arranging transport and returning to Bucky so he could try to spend a few more moments with his lifelong friend before being separated again. 

When he walked into the building, Tony was surprisingly there, as if waiting for him.

“We are going to need you to come with us, Rogers.” Spoke a familiar voice. It was Ross. Steve was about to ask the vile man why he was there, when two heavily armed guards stepped up next to Steve and restrained his arms.

Steve looked at Tony with a look of confusion, and mouthed the word “why”. He could not understand why his friend would voluntarily give him up to a group of people who wanted to suppress their freedom.

“Steve, the accords are nothing but beneficial to us. We need to be controlled. Please sign them.” Tony pleaded, regret showing in his expression. 

“I’m sorry Tony, but I can’t.” This time it was Tony’s turn to look confused, but he did not get to ask Steve any questions as Ross stabbed Steve’s neck with a needle.

The last thought that Steve had as he faded into unconsciousness was that he should have listened to Natasha and stayed out of this.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky waited for Steve for hours, without receiving word of his success or failure. He began to worry, as they had kept in constant contact since Steve found him. Steve also wasn’t using his cell phone, and had not responded to Bucky’s desperate calls. Bucky tried to keep reminding himself that Steve wasn’t the tiny kid he remembered, but an adult, perfectly capable of taking care of himself. As much as he knew Steve was fine, he couldn’t help the desire to chase after his friend. After all, he had nearly gotten himself killed during the 40’s because he could be very stupid at times, and now that he was a super soldier, would probably be even more reckless. 

Bucky paced the floor, watching the clock as the minutes ticked by. At this point, Steve should have contacted him. Something was definitely wrong, and Bucky wasn’t sure how much longer he could bear to wait for his friend to return. He desperately needed to chase after Steve, but his status as a vigilante made it impossible to leave the safehouse without risk of capture. As it was, he was reluctant to use his cell phone, since SHIELD could easily be spying on him. He ran a hand through his hair and swore at his current predicament, deciding to wait until 24 hours had passed before actually taking such reckless action that he would chastise Steve for.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve slowly began to regain consciousness in a room that he did not recognize. As the spots faded from his eyes and his vision cleared he realized that he was in a lab of some sort. He recalled that his last action was to go to Tony and ask him for help. Tony. Steve could not understand why Tony handed him over to Ross, thereby stealing his freedom, and then he brought Steve here- wherever that was. And to make matters worse, Steve was left completely alone in the darkness. The silence was driving him mad. He heard nothing but his own heartbeat, which pounded a bit faster than normal.

Steve closed his eyes. It was probably going to be a long time before Ross or any of his friends came to interrogate him. sharpened, he realized he was in some sort of lab. After a few more moments, he noticed that he was strapped to a cold metal table. The room he was in was quite dark, and he couldn’t see more than a foot in front of his face. He also seemed incapable of moving his head, and Steve assumed his neck was restrained as well. Additionally, Steve considered, he had no idea how he got into that situation. The last thing he remembered was wanting to find a way to get Bucky to a new safehouse at a farther location, and then going to ask Tony- Steve suddenly recalled what Tony had done to him, how he had gotten Steve into this `situation in the first place. His face crumpled and he let out a strangled sob once he recalled his friend’s betrayal. How could Tony do that to him? He was just trying to help Bucky, he wasn’t doing anything that could harm anyone. He couldn’t comprehend why Tony would want him to sign the accords so fiercely, as the premise of it would take away his freedom as well. 

Steve’s mind was racing; Tony’s betrayal didn’t matter now. There was no possible way to undo it, but what mattered was getting back to Bucky. Every second he spent in that room was another moment that Bucky was still in harm’s way. Steve wasn’t even sure how long he had been on the table; it could have been weeks for all he knew. He tried to move in the restraints, but they did not flex under his movements. They bindings were so tight that Steve was beginning to lose the feeling in his limbs. Ross seemed to have accounted for his strength when bringing him here. At the thought of that atrocious man, Steve felt his blood boil. First he took away his suit, then he attempted to take 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky was ready to throw something. Steve had promised that he would be back in a few hours, and yet, over a day later, he still had not shown up. Knowing the reckless supersoldier, he had probably gotten himself kidnapped or something. Bucky sighed. He was going to have to chase after the idiot now. 

Bucky put on a hat and glasses, intending to find Sam and discuss Steve’s situation. He opened the door to his safehouse, his thoughts distracted by Steve.

He walked straight into armed police.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this chapter was a bit short but I had cut off mid sentence and then picked this back up a week later and I lost my train of thought so I kind of just ended it with a cliffhanger… Okay so I watched the trailer a few more times and I am basing this fic off of the scene at about 1:59 where Bucky is trying to rip out Tony’s arc reactor and is saying ‘Steve’s dead!’ (I am teaching myself to read lips because I like eavesdropping and I have seen other people agree with me) but other than that this is probably going to be really au like i seem to be going in the opposite direction of the trailer rn I know. I also saw that Steve is going to be paired with Agent 13 so I am going to try to incorporate a lot more gay than originally planned. In case you guys couldn’t tell this is going to have a shit ton of angst.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for torture.

“Ah, the Winter Soldier.” Spoke Ross coldly, a cruel smirk on his face. “Months we have been looking for you, and all it took was finding Captain America to track you. He ratted you out, you know.” The twisted smile never left his face while talking, but Bucky felt the blood drain from his own. Steve wouldn’t- couldn’t betray Bucky. It wasn’t like Steve to betray a friend; Ross had to be lying. 

Bucky swung his fist at Ross’s face, smiling in grim satisfaction as he felt the man’s nose break on impact. His gratification was short lived, as the armed guards swarmed him, shooting at Bucky. He tried to fight them off, but only managed to impale one with his knife before a bullet pierced his kneecap, collapsing his leg underneath him and ripping a scream of agony from his throat. He knew he had to fight them off, had to get to Steve, but he couldn’t move for the surrounding enemies.

Bucky saw Ross stand, his face bloodied and his nose skewed. He looked pissed, and Bucky suddenly felt afraid for his safety, reminded of those at HYDRA. He stared up at Ross, unsure of what was going to happen to him. He watched Ross’s lips form a strangled word that seemed to be sputnik, but he heard nothing before his vision abruptly faded to black. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve’s eyes shot open at the sound of the door opening, listening to the sound of feet walking towards him, but unable to turn his head to look at the approaching threat. It was Ross, a smug look on his oddly broken face.

“So the Captain’s awake, I see.”

“YOU!” Shouted Steve, all coherent thought lost at the view of that man, as he suddenly struggled against his bindings. “Why! Why did you bring me here!”

“We need you to sign the accords. If you choose to sign away your ability to be a vigilante, then you can go free.”

“Never!” Spat Steve, showing the distaste in his voice. “You called upon me to protect you, and now imprison me for the same reasons? I shall not sign these papers.”

“Well, I thought as much.” Spoke Ross, his voice holding an amused tinge. “Which is why we brought in someone that might convince you.”

Steve’s table spun around, and he was prepared for a myriad of sights, but not the one that greeted him. It was Bucky, his knuckles bloodied and face bruised, with blood pouring from his right leg.

“Stevie?” Came a whispered voice, that sounded broken and distraught, Bucky’s voice breaking at the end of his statement.

Steve’s eyes filled with tears; he thought Bucky was safe. He wanted Bucky to be safe, he wanted him to be away from New York. Now, Bucky was where Steve least wanted him, in the hands of the enemy.

“I-I’m here, Buck.” He whispered, tears beginning to fall down his face. He wanted to reach out to Bucky, to comfort him, to do something, but his arms were restrained. He struggled so hard to escape that he could feel his flesh bruising, but it was to no avail. 

Ross watched the scene with amusement, his eyes seeming to light up at seeing Captain America in tears. “If you sign the accords,” he spoke, “you can at least save yourself.”

“N-no. I won’t leave Bucky, but if you agree to set him free I will sign them.” Steve intoned, staring at the ground, too scared to be angry at Ross. 

“You are in no position to negotiate, Captain America.” Ross growled, before suddenly pulling out a gun and shooting Bucky in his other leg.

Bucky howled in pain, as he now had bullets in both legs. His face paled with the effort of putting pressure on his legs with bullet holes in them. Steve said nothing, but his eyes flashed with concern as he looked at Ross. 

 

“Oh no Captain, you don’t get off that easy. You get to watch.” Steve wasn’t sure what Ross meant by that statement, but he felt a spike of fear and dread.

Ross tightened the restraints on his neck, forcing him to look straight at Bucky, to see the broken expression in his eyes. Before Steve could fully process what was happening, Ross had hooked Bucky up to some machine, although Steve had no idea what it was. A moment later, Ross flipped a switch, and Bucky’s body began to convulse.

Bucky then screamed, a horrid, blood curdling scream, and it occurred to Steve what Ross was doing. He was electrocuting Bucky.

Bucky had told him some of the things that had happened to him whilst in Hydra’s custody, and the worst torture mechanism that Bucky said he had been subject to was the electric shock. Steve couldn’t imagine what Buck was going through, what was going through his mind.

The only thing that was on Steve’s mind was that he had to stop Ross. He had to help Bucky. And he was powerless to stop this.

“STOP!” Steve sobbed, as another scream was ripped from Bucky’s throat. “STOP IT! PLEASE! I’LL DO ANYTHING!”

“Anything?” Ross spoke, a smirk back on his face. The electricity stopped, but Bucky still whimpered in fear in Steve’s peripheral vision.

“Anything.” Steve whispered, feeling incredibly scared and small in that moment, like he was back in his body from before the serum. 

“Sign the accords.” Demanded Ross, his tone leaving little room for argument. Not that Steve had any intention of rebelling; he couldn’t allow Bucky to go through that again. 

“No.” Bucky’s voice sounded raw from his screaming. “Don’t sign them Steve. Please. I can take it.”

Steve was shaking. Bucky couldn’t go through that again, and even if he could, Steve didn’t think he could handle watching it. He felt sick as it was; he felt as though he himself had been tortured. 

Ross released Steve from the restraints, and he stumbled forward, unsteady on his feet. His legs nearly collapsed under him, after having been held in place for so long. He could hardly feel his legs. Nevertheless, he managed to reach the table with the accords and a pen on it. He picked up the pen.

“If I sign, you’ll stop, right?”

“Why of course.” Spoke Ross, his grin reminding Steve of that of a predator, staring down his prey. He just hoped that this would protect Bucky.

Steve placed the pen on the page and signed it.

“Thank you for your signature.” Drawled Ross, that smile looking more dangerous the longer Steve looked at him. “Take them away.”

Steve was suddenly swarmed by armed men that must have entered the room at some point, all of them aiming their weapons at either Steve or Bucky. They began to drag Steve away, and he was too drained to fight back. He watched, numbly, as the men unhooked Bucky from his restraints as well.

“You said you would stop if I signed!”

“Well, he is a terrorist and a murderer, and you are the vigilante who aided him. We cannot allow you to go free, and you will be here for a very, very long time.” The smile never left Ross’s face.

Steve watched Bucky be dragged away with him, the bullet wounds in his legs starting to ooze blood again. Bucky whimpered at the rough treatment, and Steve cringed. He should have been able to stop this. It was his job to protect Bucky now.

Steve was abruptly thrown into a darkened room with metal walls. A cell. His only solace was that Bucky was also shoved into the same cell, and perhaps they could keep each other sane for however long Ross intended to keep them together for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was a horrible chapter to write. I brought myself to tears several times, because even though I like to torture characters, I can’t stand to see my children in pain. This was unusually sadistic, even for me.
> 
> I just need to say, I am SO SORRY for all of the pain this must have caused you guys. If it makes you guys feel any better, the next chapter is going to just be straight fluff. Although I have never actually written fluff before, so it might be a little rough. Anyways, try not to murder me, and I will update as soon as I can!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own anything here. Trigger warning for some internalized homophobia

Steve crawled over to Bucky, feeling the cold stone underneath him. Once next to each other, Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and held it like a lifeline. Steve pulled Bucky into a hug, making sure not to touch his injured legs. 

“I-I’m so sorry Buck. I never meant to drag you into this mess. It’s all my fault.” Steve whispered, a few tears sliding down his face. Bucky leaned his head on Steve’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

“It’s not your fault, Stevie. Stop blaming yourself, I was involved in this from the moment I fell off that train all those years ago.” Bucky replied, his voice still raspy from his earlier screaming. 

Bucky let out a sudden hiss, one that Steve only caught because Bucky was leaning into him.

“Shit Buck, are you okay?”

“It’s nothin’ Steve. I’m just starting to heal with these damn bullets still in me.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No, Stevie. There’s nothin’ that can be done till we get outta this place, which I don’t think we ever will.”

“If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t be hurt, I’m sorry.” Spoke Steve, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair in a calming gesture, although he wasn’t quite sure who he was trying to calm by doing so. 

“It’s alright Stevie.” Bucky said, relaxing into Steve’s touch.

“This reminds me of our nights in Brooklyn,” Steve uttered, trying to fill the silence. “You used to sit with me and calm me down after I got my stupid face punched.” Steve laughed at himself, and Bucky made a noise that sounded like a laugh, or so he hoped. 

“Yeah, I remember cleaning up your blood when you got rejected by all those dames and went out lookin’ for fights.” Bucky smirked, amusement filling his voice for the first time in a while. Steve thought he sounded a bit like his old self again, and it brought a smile to his face despite the situation. 

“Well I wouldn’t have done that if the girls didn’t fall for you. Honestly, I can see why, with your handsome face and amazing eyes…” Steve trailed off, lost in his thoughts.

“You sound an awful lot like one of those dames, Steve.” Bucky pulled back, his face suddenly serious.

Steve swallowed, hard. He wasn’t a homosexual, he had loved Peggy, after all. He knew that it was more socially acceptable in the future, but this was Bucky. H-he didn’t love Bucky! That would just be unnatural!

“Steve?” Bucky asked, drawing him out of his thoughts. 

“What? No!” Steve practically yelled, tears dampening his cheeks. He turned away from Bucky, not wanting Bucky to see him; wanting to be alone. 

“Steve.” Bucky placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder, but he flinched away from the touch. “It’s okay, Steve.”

“R-really?” Steve turned around, finally allowing Bucky to look at him. Strangely, he wasn’t looking at Steve with disgust. 

“Come over here, Steve.” Bucky spoke, and Steve complied, still staring pointedly at the ground. He sat next to Bucky, not touching him. He couldn’t bear to, not now that Bucky knew his disgusting secret. 

Suddenly, Bucky’s metal hand appeared on the side of Steve’s face, and he felt his head be pulled towards Bucky, although he still didn’t look up from the floor.

“I told you, Stevie, I’m with you till the end of the line.” Bucky whispered, and suddenly a pair of soft lips were pressed to Steve’s. It felt as though all of the air was pushed out of his lungs, making his world spin. He suddenly pushed Bucky away with a startled gasp.

“B-bucky?” His mouth fell open in shock. Bucky was into dames, and even if he wasn’t Steve would still have been confused.

“Iv’e been in love with you for as long as I can remember, Stevie. I knew I loved you since I cleaned the blood off of you after your first fight.”

Steve was still stunned. He had no idea what to say, and his head was still spinning after his first kiss. He had never imagined that it would be in this situation, but a small part of him had always hoped Bucky could be his first kiss. He could feel himself blushing, and was sure that Bucky could see it, even in the dim light.

Bucky kissed Steve again, and it felt just as incredible the second time. 

They stayed in the same position for a while, and eventually Bucky drifted off to sleep in Steve’s arms. Steve held Bucky tightly, reveling in the feeling of being so close to him. He eventually fell asleep as well, a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was my first time writing fluff- ever. I kind of turned it into angst, but I hope it turned out okay. I have also never written a kiss or any sort of romantic action that involved mutual pining. I've also never kissed someone, so I was just kind of writing things based off of other fanfictions I have read. Finally, I am planning on making one of the later chapters even worse and more angsty than the last chapter, so be prepared.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for torture and homophobia.

Steve awoke with a start to the sound of the hinges of a door swinging. He nearly jumped up to defend himself, until he realised that he was still entangled with Bucky. He looked up, wanting to know what had awoken him, when more guards rushed his vision, surrounding him and Bucky. He suddenly found himself being dragged away from Bucky, towards the door.

“BUCKY! BUCKY!” He tried to reach out his arms, to escape, but there were too many armed soldiers. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see Bucky again if they were separated; the last time he had ever been this terrified was when Bucky fell off of the train. 

His last vision of Bucky was his panicked face watching him.

“STEVE!” He screamed, and Steve felt his heart wrench at the breaking of Bucky’s voice. He heard the horrid sound of the door slamming shut, wondering if he might ever see Bucky again. 

Steve was drawn from his thoughts when he was unceremoniously thrown onto hard concrete, too deep in his own thoughts to even shield his face from being slammed into the ground. He heard his nose crack on the impact, and felt his head spin, leaving him dizzy and uncoordinated. 

Suddenly, someone slammed the heel of their shoe onto Steve’s curled fingers, and he winced as he felt them break. They dug their heel further into his hand, and it took all he had not to cry out from the pain. The person above him laughed, and he knew immediately that it was Ross.

“So, it turns out that the great Captain America is nothing but a disgusting faggot!” 

Steve felt as though someone had driven a knife through his chest. Even though he knew this man was a horrid excuse for a human being, he couldn’t help the self hatred that the comment incited. Bucky was wrong. It wasn’t okay, it wasn’t-

He was suddenly jolted back to reality by a swift kick to the ribs, causing a stabbing pain in his side. Steve looked up; to seemed that another person had entered the room without his notice. 

“They're yours now, Crossbones,” Spoke Ross, before swiftly exiting the room. Steve had no idea who this newcomer was, but was slightly fearful as to what could happen. 

“Get up,” the man ordered in a cold voice. When Steve did not comply, he found himself forced to stand and lifted by the guards. 

“Why are you doing this?” Steve asked in a shaky voice, and was rewarded with a punch to the jaw that left him staggering. 

“You have helped The Asset escape HYDRA. The Winter Soldier must remain under our control, and as you seem to be the object connecting The Asset to freedom, you ought to be subject to the same fate. Unless, of course, you would prefer that the Asset be in your place.”

“N-no.” Steve swallowed hard. He had thought Bucky was free, he had promised Bucky that HYDRA would never touch him again.

Steve suddenly felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder, searing and deep. Warm blood dripped down his arm, making him grimace at the knife wound. Before he had a moment to think, he felt the same pain in his leg, just above his knee. A strangled cry escaped his mouth before he shut it firmly, vowing that they would not hear his screams. The torment continued, the knives digging into his skin and coating him with blood. He wasn’t sure how long they kept at it, but the pain was intense. Steve lifted his arms to defend himself from the attackers; he could not take the agony any longer.

“If you struggle, I will only make this worse for you and your boyfriend.” Crossbones spat, a cold smirk on his face. Steve shrunk back, not wanting Bucky to have to go through this again. He had to endure it, for Bucky’s sake. His hands shook at the comment, and Steve was struck by the sudden realization that he deserved the pain, for being what he was.“That’s better.”

Steve closed his eyes, allowing the torment to continue. Before long, Crossbones and his guards moved from simply stabbing him to angling the knives so that they sliced under the skin, leaving deep gashes in his muscles. He heard whimpering sounds, and was quite alarmed by them until he discovered that they were coming from himself. 

A knife was dug into the back of his knee, and that time he couldn’t help but scream, his leg giving out underneath him. Blood ran down his leg, coating his body with crimson. Steve heard laughing, and was abruptly pushed towards and odd sort of machine, one with a chamber inside that looked as though it could fit a soldier. A door suddenly slammed shut in front of him, and he found himself trapped. The temperature lowered swiftly, and Steve was reminded of his time frozen.

He was submerged in the cold, it froze every part of him. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The cold pressed down on him, preventing his lungs from working. He sunk into the icy darkness, his last thoughts of Bucky.

And then he did scream; he screamed so loudly that he thought his throat might tear. He felt all of his spilled blood, still wet on his skin, begin to freeze. He struggled, kicking and punching at the door, needing to be free. His breaths came in strangled gasps, becoming visible to his eyes. Tear began to slide down his cheeks, and he felt them turn to ice as well. His fingers began to turn numb, and Steve found himself unable to move. He screamed for Bucky, for Tony, for anybody to help him. His cries went unheeded, and the ice encompassed him, taking over his consciousness and stopping his screams. 

The fact that his torture was being filmed went completely unnoticed by Steve.

In their cell, Bucky screamed along with him, curling into a ball and sobbing. Steve was being tortured because of him. If he had not been there, HYDRA never would have taken him. They wouldn’t be torturing Steve if he wasn’t there, since they had said the only reason they had for hurting Steve was to get to him. 

In the Avengers’ tower, the team listened to Steve’s screams with horrified expressions, despising themselves for allowing their friend to be tortured instead of doing something about it. They were superheroes; their friend should not be suffering when they were capable of helping him.

Tony sat in his lab, shaking, as he watched Steve scream and cry out for himself and Bucky. He had done this. He had done this to Steve. It was all his fault. He stared at Steve’s spilled blood with detachment, knowing that his friend’s screams were because of him. Tony had thought that after Ultron, he could not possibly hate himself more. It seemed that he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very evil, evidently. Sorry for the late-ish update, I had written the start of this chapter several days ago, but couldn’t bring myself to torture Steve, even though I had planned on it. Evidently, the key to wanting to hurt my favorite characters was having a panic attack, as my writing basically just follows my emotions and I hurt characters when I am at my lowest points. I do actually have a plot in mind here (shocker, right?), and have a vague idea as to where I am going with this. I introduced Crossbones here, as I remembered that he existed and was in Civil War. And yes, Ross is affiliated with HYDRA in this story. (Also I am really sorry for making all of these beautiful cinnamon rolls into self hating characters. Evidently it’s the easiest type of character for me to write.) Please review, I would love some input on this!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for internalized homophobia, blood, and the after effects of torture, although at this point if you are triggered by anything death/blood/torture related, I suggest you stop reading.

Bucky was jolted from his panic by the sound of the door opening. There was a large thud, and the door was quickly slammed shut. Bucky looked up, and to his shock, found Steve. Steve, who was bruised , bloodied, and broken. Steve, who wasn’t moving.

“STEVE! STEVE!” Bucky screamed, shaking him, trying to get Steve to wake up. His body was ice cold, and it brought unpleasant memories to the front of his mind. Bucky shook his head; he couldn’t allow those thoughts to overtake him now, he needed to keep his head for Steve. 

After what could have been hours of trying to wake Steve, his eyes finally snapped open. Bucky would have been relieved, if Steve also didn’t start screaming the moment his eyes opened

Steve had a distant look in his eyes, as though his mind was still back in the ice. Bucky hesitantly reached out to touch him, and Steve flinched away from his touch. Bucky didn’t know what to do; Steve was still covered in deep gashes that he was quite concerned about, and he couldn’t exactly help if Steve shied away from his touches. 

Steve had retreated to a corner of the room, no longer screaming, but instead curled into a ball. He was sobbing; his body was quivering. 

Bucky slowly stood, wincing from his still healing injuries. He began to make his way towards Steve, trying not to scare him more. Steve had done the same for him when he was tortured, and Bucky wanted to respond in kind. He sat next to Steve, making slow movements. 

“Stevie?” He asked, tentatively. He looped his arm around Steve’s waist, not quite sure how he would react to physical contact. It was certainly something he had never experienced after torture. 

Steve jumped at the touch, and Bucky was afraid he had made things worse. 

“B-b-bucky?” Steve’ voice broke, and his body continued to shake. “W-where am I? I-i thought- t-the ice-”

“It’s okay Stevie,” Bucky cut him off, “I’m right here. They can’t hurt you any more.” Steve suddenly leaned away from from Bucky, and were it not for his wounds, Bucky thought Steve might have sprinted to get away from him. “Steve?” He questioned, concern evident in his voice. Steve did not look at Bucky, lowering his gaze to the ground and refusing to glance up.

“I d-don’t deserve you,” He whispered, so low that Bucky barely heard.

“Yes, you do, Stevie,” Bucky responded, his voice soft. “If anything, I don’t deserve you.”

“N-no I don’t. I’m a disgusting fag.”

Bucky thought he might have been the one who was stabbed, listening to Steve’s words. He didn’t know how Steve, wonderful, incredible Steve, could possibly hate himself so much. He wanted to destroy HYDRA for what they had done to Steve, nevermind what they had done to Bucky himself. 

“NO. YOU. AREN’T.” Bucky growled the words, imagining the horrible things he would do to the monsters who had done this to Steve. 

He pulled Steve closer, putting pressure on one of the bleeding wounds. “You are perfect Steve. You are not disgusting, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.” 

Steve finally looked up, and Bucky saw nothing but pain and mistrust in his eyes. 

“A-are you sure?” He whispered, his voice still shaky. 

Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of his head, holding Steve close. “I’m sure, Stevie. I’m sure.” 

A while later, after Steve’s wounds had stopped bleeding and he had drifted off to sleep, a tray of food was pushed in through a small slot in the door. 

“Steve,” whispered Bucky, shaking him awake, “food.” 

Bucky limped over and picked it up, his mouth falling open once he saw the rations. When he was kept as a weapon for HYDRA, he was given adequate nutrients, but this was hardly enough for one normal human, and they had already been there for several days. 

He handed most of the rations to Steve. He had been through far worse, and he deserved it. They ate ravenously, and once the food was gone Bucky’s stomach still protested. 

He crawled back over to Steve, pulling him back into another hug, which Steve returned. They seemed to have an unspoken agreement to spend as much time huddled together as possible, as they didn’t know when HYDRA would come in, or when the last time they would see each other was. 

“Stevie, you know I love you, right?”

“Y-yeah Buck. I do.” Steve pulled him closer, wincing when the fabric of his shirt rubbed against his some of his wounds, reopening them. He pulled off his shirt, much to Bucky’s dismay once he noticed the steady flow of blood from his torso. 

“Oh God, Stevie.” Bucky whispered, horrified. He placed his hands on a particularly deep wound on his chest that seemed to have hit a vein, putting pressure on it. 

“‘M fine Buck,” mumbled Steve. 

“No, you are not,” responded Bucky, “you are bleeding a lot. This isn’t fine, Steve.”

Bucky positioned the discarded shirt under his hand, trying to stop the blood flow. Steve looked incredibly pale, lying on the dirty floor in a pool of his own blood. Bucky assumed that he had lost an awful lot of blood before being frozen, and his wounds had bled quite a bit from being jostled around by HYDRA back to the cell. Bucky had no idea how much blood a starved super soldier could stand to lose, but the sickly pale shade of Steve’s skin had him grasping desperately for the last strands of hope.

Steve’s eyes closed; his head fell back, and Bucky was terrified for a moment that Steve was dead, before he felt the flutter of his heartbeat through his chest, making him soar with relief. After what seemed like hours, the blood flow finally lessened from Steve’s chest. Bucky collapsed on Steve’s chest, emotionally drained. 

The rhythmic sound of Steve’s heartbeat was oddly soothing, and Bucky found his eyes drifting shut. The warmth of Steve’s body eventually lulled Bucky to sleep, praying for rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am evil holy shit!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for torture.

Steve awoke in a cold sweat with a strangled scream on his tongue. His eyes flew open, but the rest of him didn’t move, too paralyzed by the feeling of the ice enclosing him, freezing his skin and the blood in his veins. He could feel his lungs fill with water, expanding them when it froze and making him feel as though his chest might explode. He could feel the water rising up over his mouth, drowning him while it turned him to ice, freezing his mouth open while he screamed. He felt his eyes ice over, and the pressure from the ice in his tear ducts felt as though a knife had been taken to his eyes. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. All he knew was the ice. 

He suddenly felt warmth on the sides of his face, and Steve suddenly felt as though the ice was ebbing from his lungs, allowing oxygen to somewhat fill his lungs. He blinked, and was startled to find that he wasn’t in the ice at all. He found that Bucky was cupping Steve’s face in his hands, and that their faces were only about an inch apart. Bucky looked very concerned; his lips were moving, but Steve found himself unable to comprehend what he was saying. 

“-eve? Steve? Steve?” Bucky repeated the word over and over, hoping to get through to him, hoping that his voice would be heard over Steve’s demons. There was a far-off look in his eyes, and Bucky knew that he wasn’t in their cell with him.

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve finally said. His voice was quiet and completely raw, as though the nightmare had completely broken his spirit. His eyes held such pain that Bucky could hardly bear to maintain eye contact. He was familiar with that pain, with the demons that Steve was fighting, and could not stand to see it so clearly written across his love’s face. He himself had not attempted sleep, trying desperately to avoid the demons HYDRA had left inhabiting his mind, though watching Steve’s torture was far worse than any pain that had ever been inflicted on Bucky previously. He was struggling to regain his memories, and now nearly all of them were of Steve screaming in pain, or of his body beaten and broken until he was near death. 

“Are you-” He was about to ask if Steve was okay, but he knew he wasn’t. It would be pointless to ask, and so the question died on his tongue. Bucky didn’t know what he should say; he wasn’t good at dealing with emotions. His brainwashing had taken away his knowledge of comfort. 

“I’m alive, Buck.” He whispered. That was the only response. Steve wasn’t okay, he was in pain, and the torture was taking a toll on him. But he was alive, and Bucky was there, and that was the only thing that mattered. Steve pulled Bucky into a hug, letting his breathing regulate as he held Bucky close, feeling his skin warm back up from his contact with Bucky. 

He felt a few tears run down his cheeks as he buried his face into Bucky’s neck. Bucky’s presence was the only thing that kept the horrors that his mind supplied him at bay. He breathed in Bucky’s scent, letting it calm him. 

Bucky must have fallen asleep in Steve’s embrace at some point, because the next thing he knew, he was being dragged back by guards, away from Steve. He reached out his metal hand towards him, and later would vaguely recall screaming, perhaps coming from Bucky himself.

Bucky was dragged into another torture chamber, one that looked suspiciously like the one he had been held in as the Asset, if his muddled memories were any indication. Just the sight of the room brought memories flooding back into his mind, of electrocution and pained screams and impassive torturers. Of asking his name, his mission, and nothing more. And eventually asking nothing, complacent as a weapon, designed to kill and be frozen until next needed, like he was just another tool in the torture room. He felt himself be forced into a chair, and his stomach clenched involuntarily. Just the sight of the sickly yellow walls and the silver torture instruments made it hard to breathe, and he tried to curl into a ball in the anticipation of the pain, but found his limbs already strapped to the chair. He was used to this, and the Asset let his vision drift out of focus as the electrodes were attached to his suddenly bare chest. There was nothing he could do to prepare.

And then the machines were turned on, and he could feel his body arch up off of the table, trying to escape the electricity running through his nerves, setting them alight. His entire body shook, and he screamed as though his throat was being ripped out of his body. His eyes stayed open, and he thought they might pop out of their sockets. His muscles seized, and eventually the current of electrodes stopped, but only after his head was so numb that he could scarcely recall his own name. All he remembered was blue eyes, staring at the Asset in concern, and a warm body holding him tight that left him feeling empty and cold where he was.

A blond man knelt down in front of him.

“What is your name?” He spoke.

“The Asset.” He replied. 

“Good, good.” Responded the man again, and another surge of electricity leapt through the Asset’s veins. He screamed out, making noises that he could not recognize. They may have sounded like names, but all the Asset could hear over the screaming inside of his tortured mind was a guttural, broken scream. 

He was led to a room that held a blood-coated stranger, slumped on the floor. The Asset was pushed into the room, and watched the door slam shut behind him apathetically. The man leapt up with a pained wince, and strode over to the Asset. The man wrapped his arms around the Asset, who did not understand. It was an attack, he assumed. The next moment, the Asset’s metal hand was wrapped around the neck of the other, who stared at the Asset with a wide-eyed look of betrayal. 

It was only then that the Asset remembered who this was. It was his mission, his target. The one he must kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE.
> 
> While writing this I somehow found myself reading Avengers suicide fics. I don’t even know how I got to this dark corner of the internet, but I’ve been crying while writing this, so yeah, it’s a bit darker than normal. Also, I am taking a slight detour from my original plan, but there is still a plot and I will expand the narrative eventually with the various plot twists I have included.


	8. Chapter 8

The Asset watched as the man struggled to breathe, his breaths coming in gasps. He had a pained expression on his face, and looked straight into the Asset’s eyes. 

“B-bucky!” The man breathed, struggling to speak whilst the Asset crushed his throat. The Asset did not understand the man’s words, nor the feeling that he was forgetting something. He pushed back the thought and gripped the man’s neck tighter. He could feel the skin bruising, the muscles in his throat struggling to work and allow him to breath under the pressure. The mission grabbed at the fingers around his neck with a fervor, trying to pry them loose. 

“I-it’s me! S-st-teve!” The man spoke with a final gasp, before his eyes rolled back into his head. The Asset felt the satisfying weight of the unconscious man in his grasp, and knew that he ought to snap the man’s neck, to destroy his target like HYDRA ordered him to. And yet, the Asset could not. He hesitated to squeeze his mission’s neck hard enough to kill him, with no idea as to why he was incapable of killing the target. The colors red, white, and blue flashed across his mind. Red, as in the crimson color of blood staining his metal fingertips. But this was something different. This red was lighter, and reminded him of strange feelings. Comfort. Love. Something other than the blinding emptiness that he was used to feeling. 

The Asset dropped the mission’s body. He could not terminate this mission. Not knowing what to do, the Asset sat against the wall that he stood in front of. 

The Asset knew not how long he sat there, staring at the mission and trying desperately to hold onto the strange feelings that he felt while viewing his target. Eventually, the man began to wake, his lashes fluttering weakly. 

The man’s eyes suddenly flew open. “Bucky!” He gasped, a look of panic on his face. The mission’s eyes landed on the Asset, and he recoiled, pushing his body away from the Asset.”B-bucky?” The mission’s voice was questioning, and his mouth fell open in shock afterwards. “W-what did they do to you?” The mission’s voice was still rough from when the Asset had choked him. 

The mission began to slowly crawl towards the Asset, his injuries trailing blood in his wake. “Buck? Do you remember me? I’m Steve.” The name sparked a memory in the back of the Asset’s brain, but the thought died before he could figure out who his mission was. “Your name is Bucky. Do you remember that?” The Asset-no, Bucky- said nothing, instead watching Steve’s face intently. “Bucky? Can you hear me?” Bucky bobbed his head slightly, not daring to speak to this man. Steve’s face softened a bit, and Bucky suddenly felt less of the fear of pain and cold that he knew was coming. 

He looked at Steve, only to realize that his mission was much closer than Bucky had thought. He stared at the man’s hand warily, as it was only a few inches from Bucky. His mind screamed ‘threat’, and he wanted nothing more than to attack, to defend himself from the approaching danger. The target’s hand came to rest on the hand of the Asset, and he flinched, expecting to be shoved into ice or a machine. He expected nothing but pain from this action.

To his shock, the hand that encased his did nothing to cause him pain. In fact, he felt strangely comforted by the gesture. Steve’s hand was warm, and though covered in blood, caressed his own, as though Bucky had not previously used those hands to attempt to choke the life out of Steve. 

The touch brought Bucky crashing back to reality, and the fuzziness in his head cleared a bit. He remembered Steve, remembered following his best friend into a war zone, and remembered falling. He remembered his metal arm, and he remembered killing. He remembered being a ghost. And he remembered being found by Steve, only to be recaptured. He remembered kissing Steve, and holding him close as he bled. And he remembered his notebooks, full of memories and colors and fragments of thoughts and feelings.

“S-steve?” His voice broke, turning into a sob. That single word allowed him to realize what he had done to Steve, the man he loved. Bucky couldn’t even trust himself, couldn’t even rely on himself not to kill the people he loved. The urge to run to the far corner of their cell, to get as far away from Steve as possible so that he couldn’t do any more damage to his wounded love overcame him. Instead, Steve pulled him into a hug, and Bucky couldn’t understand why he was embracing a monster who had tried to kill him.

Steve ran his hand up and down Bucky’s metal arm, and Bucky felt sick. He had killed so many people with that weapon, had nearly killed Steve with it, so why wasn’t Steve trying to get far away from the dangerous weapon that was attached to Bucky. One of Steve’s wounds reopened, and blood flowed onto the metal. If Bucky had eaten anything, he would have thrown up all of his food at the flood of memories of blood staining the arm as he slaughtered people. He even remembered Steve’s blood on his hand as he tried to kill him, only stopping once he recalled the familiarity of those blue eyes. As it was, he ended up dry heaving, his stomach rebelling at the thoughts of the things that he had done with the arm that Steve was holding and oh god Steve needed to get away he needed to run or Bucky was going to hurt him just like he had hurt people before he was nothing but a weapon why couldn’t Steve see that he was nothing but a monster.

Bucky flinched away from Steve’s touch, and before he knew it he was sobbing. His self-hatred was a weight on his chest; he couldn’t breathe for the stabbing pain. And when he took a breath, it came too fast, and he needed another breath before he could exhale. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He just knew that he was a monster and had done so many horrid things and suddenly his breaths were coming too fast and he needed to breathe but he couldn’t he couldn’t.

And suddenly there was a pair of arms wrapped around his chest that he didn’t even have the wherewithal to run from, but oddly enough they seemed to remove the weight instead of adding to it, and suddenly his gasps for air seemed slightly more manageable. He was glad for it, because the other person’s presence cut through the panic and grounded him. By the time that he was calm enough to come to his senses, Bucky was too exhausted to try to fight Steve, and merely slumped into his arms. He knew that if he ever escaped again, he would have many more memories to put into his notebook. That thought provided his tortured mind with some solace, as his notebooks were his favorite possessions. They made him Bucky Barnes again, instead of the Winter Soldier. 

Bucky suddenly jumped, anxiety welling in his body. His notebooks. They were in his backpack when he last had them, but where was his backpack? He couldn’t remember!

“Bucky? Bucky what’s wrong?” Steve frantically whispered.

“My backpack! It’s gone!” Shouted Bucky, in near hysterics once more.

Steve did not know what was in Bucky’s backpack, nor why it was troubling him so, but he knew that he had to help Bucky. Unfortunately, as far as Steve knew, HYDRA had the backpack. So whatever personal information that Bucky kept with him in his backpack was knowledge of HYDRA now. 

Bucky didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Everything that he had that made him Bucky Barnes was gone, and with his unreliable memory, he wasn’t sure if he would ever get it back. For all that had happened, with the absence of the notebooks, Bucky Barnes was dead.

Abruptly, the door opened, and soldier dragged Bucky out of the room. He was too panicked to fight back, and Steve was too woozy from blood loss to help. To Bucky’s consternation, the soldiers pulled Steve with him, despite the fact that he had lost too much blood to stand on his own. They had never tortured both of the super soldiers at the same time, and the thought that he might have to watch Steve be tortured sent ice shooting through his veins. Both exhausted soldiers were forcibly tied to chairs, with Steve facing Bucky. Bucky was baffled by this action, as he could not comprehend why the soldiers would allow him to look at Steve. Unless they wanted one of them to watch the other be tortured; Bucky gulped. 

Bucky’s backpack was thrown in between the two, and his chest constricted at the sight. HYDRA had his memories, and could do anything that they pleased with them. A soldier picked up his backpack, and Bucky tensed. His memories, his life, was in the hands of people who had tortured both himself and Steve. His thoughts raced, and fear encompassed him with the possibilities of things that might happen to his notebooks. 

The notebooks were pulled out of the backpack; the action took an eternity to Bucky. The first page of his oldest notebook was ripped out, tearing in half. Bucky could hardly recall that Steve was in the background, watching him. He watched in horror as a lighter was lifted to the page. And there, with the fluid rippling of the flame, went Bucky’s memory of watching Steve destroy a HYDRA base during WWII.

“NO!” A horrified scream left Bucky, and he thought he might have been physically harmed, for the pain that watching the memory die inflicted on Bucky. Steve made a strangled gasp in the background, but Bucky’ attention was on the soldier, who ripped another page out of the notebook. All that this page said was Peggy Carter, but it was enough of a connection to his past that the burning of the page still stung. His jealousy of Peggy for stealing Steve’s heart that welled up at the name was gone. Everything that made him human was gone. 

The next page was a memory of Steve getting beat up in an alley. He had hastily scribbled it down after seeing Steve’s face helped him break from his programming. The flames licked the page, burning the memory to cinders, along with the page. He let out a pained sob, tears welling up in his eyes as he watched himself die, piece by piece. 

The soldier suddenly grabbed a handful of pages, leaving ugly wrinkles amongst the scribbled words. The flames engulfed the papers with the use of the lighter, and more memories turned to ash. Bucky felt screams tear his throat as the ashes scattered the floor, mixing with dried blood. Memory after memory was pulled from the notebooks, and he was given enough time to read the memory and experience the feelings before watching it burn. Sobs racked his body; he felt as though he was drowning, suffocated by his own tears and grief. 

Eventually, the soldier got to Bucky’s worst memory. The paper read: I fell. Steve didn’t catch me. The soldier read the statement out loud, and Steve gasped. Bucky was scared that they may have physically injured him, and glanced up, only to see Steve physically unharmed, save the older wounds that had not healed under such conditions. His tears blurred his vision, and his picture of Steve gazing at Bucky with sympathy soon became obscured. 

The paper was held right next to Bucky’s face, and he watched in agony as the flames consumed the scribbled words. He heard a horrified scream that he later figured out came from himself. His last memory that he had had as Bucky Barnes, and not the Winter Soldier, was gone. 

Bucky struggled against the restraints. He couldn’t let HYDRA take another piece of him, he couldn’t. The restraints held fast, and all he succeeded in doing was leaving marks in his skin from the bonds. The soldiers laughed, and Bucky had never felt more depleted, less human. He stared at the ground, and the tears soon stopped, although the heat of the flames and the increase of the ashes littering the floor seemed endless. 

He had no inkling as to how long the soldiers burned away the last of his humanity for, but finally they reached the last memory. The soldier laughed with glee before reading it out loud. 

“I love Steve.” The soldier spoke, with malice in each word. “Aw, the fucking faggot is in love.” He mocked, and everything turned red, tinged by Bucky’s rage. And yet, he could do nothing, as the flames burned his favorite memory. He screamed until he felt his throat would tear, but the soldiers continued laughing. 

With a striking finality, the last of the ashes fell to the floor, signifying the death of Bucky Barnes. He felt numb as they were forced back to their cell, and hardly noticed Steve's embrace. Steve pressed a kiss to his forehead, but if he spoke, Bucky didn't hear him. He drifted off to sleep with his head in Steve's lap, taking solace in Steve's warmth and presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever to finish this update because I keep getting interrupted when writing. But it's finally done! And wow that was very painful. On the bright side, no cliffhanger! Anyway, feel free to review.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and blood.

Chapter 9

Bucky’s lungs were frozen, coated in ice. He couldn’t breathe; he was suffocating on the oxygen in his lungs. He could feel the coldness surrounding him, and he recoiled in terror. His eyes flew open, and he screamed for Steve, to save him from the ice enveloping his body. Bucky looked around to find himself in the cell, which was nearly as bad as the ice. But at least he had Steve, didn’t he?

He looked around, searching for his love, only to find himself alone in the darkened cell. Fear raced through him, and Bucky felt his stomach clench. Had HYDRA taken him whilst Bucky slept? But surely he would have noticed that, as Steve tended not to go quietly. 

Wasn’t it more likely that Steve had escaped without him? Bucky was nothing but a burden to Steve, and a monster as well. He had tried to kill Steve again, and maybe it drove Steve to leave him. It is much easier for a single person to escape capture than two people. 

Bucky had never given Steve a reason to like him after the war. He was a monster, a psychopath who would attack his best friend and try to kill him. He had nearly destroyed Steve multiple times, cracking his bones under his fists until they broke, before throwing his unconscious body into a river where he nearly drowned. Steve was better off leaving him. 

With that thought, Bucky curled into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest. Bucky had no place in the world; he was a killing machine who destroyed everything he touched. Stark was right, he needed to be contained. Maybe the government would kill him if he ever escaped HYDRA. It would be better that way. Maybe then he could stop being a weapon of destruction. 

Bucky stared at a wall, contemplating everything that HYDRA had done to him. As long as he was alive, they would not rest until they had the Asset back and under their control. They would continue to torture and brainwash him and Bucky couldn’t take it! But even if by some miracle he escaped, the government would arrest him and most likely torture him as well. He would never be able to escape the pain, and even if he could, he was still a horrid monster who had shed much blood throughout the decades.

He wished he was dead. Not only would it help protect the general populace, but death might help quiet the constant turmoil in his mind. Bucky just wanted all of the pain and fear to stop. 

He felt a few tears slip down his face at the thought that he would have to endure life for far longer. HYDRA certainly wouldn’t oblige his wish to put him out of his misery. And now, he would be forced to live without Steve, who had seen him for the monster he was and finally come to his senses. 

The tears turned to horrible sobs that wracked his body as time passed, which eventually turned to silence as the tears stopped and he felt completely numb. 

After a while, the door opened. Bucky flinched, expecting pain. Closing his eyes, he prepared for the soldiers to haul him back to the torture chamber. He shouldn’t have tried to go against his programming in the first place, and now that Steve was gone, they were going to be extremely harsh. 

“B-bucky?” A fractured voice whispered, causing Bucky to nearly jump in shock. Steve didn’t leave him?

“Stevie?” Bucky nearly screeched, jumping up with far more vigor than his broken body ought to have, but he didn’t care. He had to get closer to Steve.

He ran over to Steve, who was lying on his back in the midst of a pool of blood that made Bucky’s heart pound uncomfortably. He couldn’t even tell where the blood was coming from, it seemed like nowhere and everywhere all at once. It was overwhelming, but Bucky had to help Steve.

He put pressure on one of Steve’s wounds, but it did nothing to stop the torrent of blood soaking the floor and their clothes. He didn’t know what to do, and Steve was bleeding so much that he would have been unconscious if not for the serum. There was too much blood; far too much. 

Bucky continued to try to cease the blood flow, wiping off some of the blood with his own shirt, which he had discarded to use as an impromptu gauze, not that it really worked. All that he managed to do was smear the blood, as his shirt quickly became too bloodsoaked to do anything else. The stream of blood leaking from Steve’s wounds eventually slowed, the superserum healing him fast enough to prevent him from bleeding to death. 

The blood began to clot, and Steve blinked sluggishly, suffering from the effects of losing large quantities of blood. “Hey Buck.” He spoke nonchalantly, as though he had not just been on the verge of bleeding out on the floor. 

“Can you ever stay out of t-trouble, punk?” Bucky joked back, pretending as though he didn’t want to die. For all his efforts to put up a facade of normalcy, his voice still cracked, raw from his earlier breakdown.

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Asked Steve, his expression concerned after hearing the break in Bucky’s voice.

“N-nothin’ Stevie. You’re the one who just almost bled to death. I’m fine.” Bucky spoke, more to convince himself than to convince Steve. Yet, Steve pulled him into his arms, both of them lying on the bloodied floor and sharing the moment.

“You are the most important thing in my life, Buck. I love you.” Whispered Steve, as though he could read Bucky’s mind. Bucky knew Steve better than he even knew himself, so he wasn’t all that surprised that Steve knew what he was thinking. 

Steve pressed his lips to Bucky’s, and he lost himself in the sensation of their delicate kiss. He could taste the metallic blood on Steve’s lips and nearly recoiled at the taste of iron, but instead pulled himself closer to Steve, knowing that Steve would be comforted, even though he was in pain. Steve’s body was cool, and Bucky desperately tried to impart some of his body heat on him.

“Stevie, I want to escape.” Whispered Bucky into his ear, not wanting to startle him.

“Alright Bucky.” Spoke Steve, smiling slightly through his pain. The two spent hours discussing various escape plans, until they gradually fell asleep, wrapped in each other’s embrace.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Tony Stark was reviewing the last of his plans to storm the final HYDRA base with his team. Tony was determined to rescue Steve, already having destroyed most of the bases in the attempt. He knew where Steve was and was going to rescue him or die trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry it’s probably been awhile, and i was meaning to update either Colors or Back to the Beginning, but then I saw this post on tumblr that APPARENTLY SEB STAN SAID BUCKY WOULD KILL HIMSELF WITHOUT STEVE so there’s that and Stormlight15 and I were discussing what ifs regarding the deaths and so I ended up here. (Also Harper stop encouraging me or I swear I will make this WORSE.)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter!  
> Trigger Warning for death, gore, and suicide.

Steve awoke again when the next soldier brought them food. The door’s opening was very narrow, but before it slammed shut, Bucky slid his metal arm between the door and its frame. The door made a noise upon hitting his hand that could have fooled an unwary guard into believing that the door had shut. 

As the guard turned the corner, Steve slowly began to push open the door, careful to make as little noise as possible. He allowed Bucky to exit as well, before gently shutting the heavy door behind them. Steve and Bucky began to slowly sprint through the halls, but a moment later, heard screaming. 

“What was that?” Bucky whispered, glancing around in alarm.

“I don’t know, but we can use it as a distraction.”

The first few guards that they ran into, Steve slammed into the wall head first.He left them unconscious in growing pools of their own blood, his strength fueled by adrenaline and fear. He had to get bucky out of here. Had to let him escape. Steve really didn’t care what happened to himself, as long as Bucky could flee safely. He jumped in front of each guard, intent on hurting them before they could lay another hand on Bucky. 

After several minutes of running, they came upon a peculiar sight. There was a guard already dead, a knife in his throat. Steve suddenly felt far more afraid than he had before. There was someone else here, and he wasn’t sure if they wanted to hurt Bucky. They were obviously skilled enough to take down HYDRA agents, as when he looked around, he saw several more bloodied corpses. 

Steve grabbed a gun from the dead man and laced his fingers with Bucky’s, pulling them against the wall. They would have to proceed more cautiously. 

Steve peaked into the next room and saw an armed agent running, but before he could shoot at the person, realized that they were running in another direction. He let them pass, before sprinting through the room with Bucky. He tightened his grip on the pistol, wanting them to get out alive, but not sure that they would. Already his movements were beginning to slow, months of starvation and fatigue taking their toll, despite the adrenaline. 

After a while of running, Steve was beginning to fear that they were running in circles. Each room in the HYDRA facility looked the same, and it was rather disconcerting. Steve had no idea as to where the exits were, and it was only Bucky’s presence next to him that kept him from panicking completely. 

They ran for what seemed like forever, until Steve’s legs felt as though they might collapse underneath him. Somehow, they encountered only a few agents, and Steve subdued them fairly easily. Eventually, Steve decided that they couldn’t keep running.

“Let’s just jump out a window,” He panted, not believing that they would ever be able to find the exit in the maze. 

Bucky looked at him with a resigned look on his face and sighed. “I guess we should. I don’t think we will ever find an exit at this point.” A few moments later, he smirked, “You come up with stupid plans, punk.”

Steve smiled at that, excited that a piece of who Bucky used to be still existed, and wasn’t completely destroyed by what HYDRA did to him.

Bucky slammed his fist into the window several times, and Steve watched it crack and eventually shatter under the force. Bucky winced when some of the shards of glass scraped their sharp edges against his metal arm, and Steve cringed at the thought that his idea had caused Bucky pain.

Bucky stared over the edge, “Uh, Stevie, we are eighteen stories up.”

“That’s fine, we are super soldiers. It won’t kill us.” Steve said it mostly to reassure himself. He knew that it could very well hurt either of them in their current states, but they didn’t have much of a choice. The longer they stayed, the more likely it was that the HYDRA agents would recapture them. 

Steve took a deep breath and ran at the window, throwing himself over the edge. He finally slammed into the ground, rolling to try to relieve some of the pressure from his joints. It still took all of his willpower not to scream in agony when the jarring force of hitting the ground reopened a few newer wounds. He immediately stood up and walked further from the building so that Bucky would have room to jump, cringing at the pain that the movement caused. 

Bucky slammed into the pavement beside him, rolling as well. Steve heard him wince.

“That was the dumbest fucking plan you have ever had,” Bucky groaned. Steve laughed, pulling Bucky to his feet.

Steve saw movement inside the building, and sobered immediately. “We gotta move, Buck,” They started running, albeit a bit slowly due to their new injuries, away from their prison.

Suddenly something slammed into Steve, sending him sprawling. He looked up just in time to see a red piece of metal collide with his face. He tried to fight back, but his fists struck more metal. He couldn’t see for all the blood pouring down his face.

After a few moments of bearing the abuse, his attacker was pulled away from him. Steve pushed himself to his feet, wiping blood out of his eyes, ready to be attacked again. He then heard a voice.

“Steve?”

“Tony?” Steve questioned through a mouthful of blood. Steve didn’t know why he was there, but that did explain the absence of HYDRA agents during their escape. The knife seemed like Natasha’s work. Perhaps there were others here.

Tony looked over at Bucky, and suddenly his entire demeanor changed.

“What the fuck are you doing with him?” Tony seethed, pointing at Bucky.

“We were escaping being tortured. What is your problem with Bucky, Tony?”

“He murdered my mom.” 

Tony suddenly pounced on Bucky, blasting him and throwing punches at him. Steve should have known better than to let them near each other, but he was so fatigued that he couldn’t even remember the issue until Tony brought it up.

Steve tried to pull Tony off of Bucky, but Tony seemed determined to hurt Bucky. Suddenly Tony stepped back, and Steve hoped that it might be the end of the conflict. Instead, Tony pointed his blaster at Bucky, and destroyed his metal arm.

Bucky howled in pain, his face clearly showing his anguish. Tears dripped down the side of his face, mingling with the blood from his beating. He sobbed, his breathing becoming heavy. Tony looked on, face stony. He lifted his hand towards Bucky’s face, and Steve threw himself at Tony just as he used his blaster. 

Tony looked down in horror. He hadn’t meant to hit Steve. He gasped, seeing the destruction that his weapons had wrought upon his friend. Half of Steve’s face had been burned away, and Tony could see through a hole his skull. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t breathing. 

Tony leaned over and emptied the contents of his stomach. He didn’t mean to kill Steve, didn’t want to kill Steve. It was so gruesome. He didn’t mean it. He just wanted Bucky to pay for what he did to his mom. Tony began crying, and didn’t bother to try to stop the tears as they fell down his face. 

Bucky watched Steve fall to the ground in front of him. He saw him stop moving, but thought nothing of it. And then Tony threw up next to Steve, who was unnaturally still. Bucky pulled himself over to Steve, stumbling on weak legs. 

Steve, oh God, Steve. His Steve had a hole in his head, and Bucky could see his skull. He couldn’t be dead, he couldn’t. Bucky was aware of someone screaming, only to realize that it was him, screaming Steve’s name over and over. It was Bucky’s fault that Steve died, if he hadn’t tried to save him, he wouldn’t be dead. It was his fault, all his fault. And now Stevie was gone. 

He felt tears pour down his face, soaking Steve’s body. Bucky was just a worthless killer, he was an asset of HYDRA, and the only thing that had kept him relatively sane was Steve. And now Steve was gone, and no one gave a fuck about him anymore. He was a monster, better off dead. Bucky couldn’t stand to be apart from Steve in life. He should have died first, not Steve.

Bucky grabbed the gun from Steve’s waistband. He put it under his chin, barrel pressed flush against his chin. He took a deep breath. Steve, I’m coming.

He pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end! So it has been established that I am a horrible person, feel free to send me your hate. Thanks for reading, I am a demon that feeds off of your tears! :)


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